Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Back to Work

I'm seriously considering whether or not to continue on with this blog. Trying to work two jobs (one being mom, of course) is proving to be difficult and time consuming. Since going back to work a week and a half ago, this is the first chance I've had to sit down and post. The only reason I found time is because Terry goes out on Wednesdays and Emma is in bed now. If I do decide to continue on, I think Wednesdays will be the only day I will have time to sit down and post. (No post last Wednesday because I was having such a rough week that Terry stayed home to cheer me up. What a guy... I love him so much!)

So, as if you couldn't tell already, I'm not exactly thrilled with the whole going back to work thing. My first day back last Monday was SO hard! A lot harder than I thought it would be. I spent most of the day fighting back tears and hiding in my new office (which needed a thorough cleaning anyway) Terry and Emma came by after school and brought me some flowers. I totally lost it. I just couldn't believe that I was never going to be there to pick Emma up from school again. And losing out on extra family time is a total downer. I just got so used to being there all the time for them.

I hate to be such a whiner, because I know there are so many parents out there who don't even get the luxury that I had. Some come home with their new kids and have to return to work right away. Some don't have the luxury of not needing a sitter. It's these thoughts that have gotten me through this past week. I am so blessed to have been able to spend so much time adjusting to my new life as a mom and always being there for Emma. Now I need to learn how to let go just a little bit, I guess. We'll see. I'm still trying to convince Terry that I don't really need to work. :) LOL! He's not quite on the same page as I am, yet!

Another thing that's been getting me through is some of the people I deal with at work. There has been a huge staff turnover since I left, so many people don't even know me. But the ones who do know me seem very happy to have me back. I've worked with some of them for so long, it's like catching up with long lost relatives! And I've had so many customers stop by my office and even come give me hugs to let me know how happy they are that I'm back. It feels good to have been missed!

The hardest part about the last week and a half has been some regression in Emma's attachment. I firmly believe it has to do with me going back to work, but Terry swears up and down that something else must be causing it. (I think he's scared to admit it, as he thinks this may give me enough reason to stop working) I don't really know what to think. All I know is that it's really a tough thing to go through. Especially after all the progress we've made. So, we're back to making Emma's world small again to try and get her back on track.

Despite going through the hard stuff, we had some joy as I got to celebrate my first mother's day this year. It is so awesome to finally be able to celebrate this day, as the last few mother's days have been spent waiting for a void to be filled. Well, it finally is. I am so blessed!

1 comment:

  1. Sorry to hear things are rough. Hopefully things will either settle down and fall into a "new normal" rythm fairly quickly or the hubs will "get on the same page" so you can quit your job. I'll gladly put in a plug for the latter if you want! :-)

    Change is always hard on our kiddos. Emma's stuff may be a short term temporary regression, or it may be more serious. If you're willing to share some of what's going on (either on your blog or offline email - there's a link to mine on my sidebar)and also for how long you've been seeing what you're seeing, there's plenty of us who can probably help you figure it out.

    As for quitting your blog, I'd hate to see it go, but I also totally understand having to cut back to only the essentials for survival. Before you lay the blog aside, though, ask yourself what your purpose in writing is. Is it just for fun or is it mainly to keep friends and family up to date, or has it become a key part of your support network (like mine has become.) If it's the first two, I guess weigh the benefits against the losses and then decide. If it's the latter though, use caution in ending it. It takes awhile to get that support network built back up should you find you need to start over. If your blog is indeed a support network for you, keep posting, even if it isn't as frequently as it used to be.