Kid's Say the Darndest Things!

One of things I enjoy most about adopting from another country is hearing Emma learn a new language. Really, it's almost like having a baby and having them learn their first words....all very exciting. Sure, the language barrier was one of the hardest things to deal with when we got home, but it didn't take long for us to be able to communicate with eachother.

There are just a few things that have come out of Emma's mouth that stick out in my mind and make me smile. Hence, this blog entry, so I never forget these little things!

A few of weeks ago, we were checking out all the puppies at the pet store. (A MUST if we happen to be walking by!) Terry decided he wanted to check out all the boring stuff too....fish, reptiles, etc. As we were walking through the reptile room, there was a staff member walking around with a snake wrapped around his arm to show people passing by. I was surprised to see Emma's reaction....completely terrified. She jumped into my arms and wanted out of there immeditately. I had to walk by the employee with the snake to get out of the room. Emma's grip got tighter and her eyes filled with tears as she said, "It's gonna eat me!" :)

Emma was very sick a couple weeks ago and missed a whole week of school. As she started to get better and her sinuses began to unclog, she was blowing her nose constantly. Her nose got very dry which caused a little bleeding here and there. Once, after blowing her nose, she brought me the kleenex to show me the evidence of this (little red spots). She held it up to my face and said, "Mommy, my boogies is bleedin." :)

Last night after supper, Terry was rubbing his belly explaining how full he was. Emma came up and gave him a few slaps on the stomach and exclaimed, "Daddy, your belly is growin!" :)

This morning I asked Emma why she kept repeatedly rubbing her eye. Her answer: "I have a krusty in there!" :)

My Doggies (A post for all you dog-lovers)

If you are not a dog-lover, just a little warning that if you continue to read this post, you will be convinced that I am totally whacked. If you are a dog-lover, read on...you'll understand.

One of my biggest concerns before heading to Ukraine was our dogs. We have two dogs. Tifa, a schitzu, and Anson, a chihuahua. (That's right. His name is Anson Carter....for all you hockey fans!) Our dilemma was trying to think of who would want to dog sit our babies for an unknown amount of time....possibly up to two months, which it turned out to be.

Thankfully, our wonderfull sister, brother-in-law and niece fell in love with our dogs while they dog sat during our Hawaiian vacation earlier in the year. They were up for the challenge.

This was a huge answered prayer because the thought of leaving them in a kennel that long made me sick to my stomach. My only problem once finding the dogsitters was wondering how I would live without them for so long. What if they forgot about us? What if they're so mad they never want to come home with us? On top of it all, we will be bringing home a new little person! Tifa is a real people person, loving anyone within sniffing range. Anson is way more reserved. Very picky about who he licks and doesn't lick. And kids were definitely not on his "lickable" list. In fact, kids are prone to end up on the "I like to try and bite you" list. I was really praying that we would not have to find him a new home once we arrived home with a little one.

We dropped the dogs off with the family the day before our flight left. They live about twenty minutes away from us. I cried all the way there, but managed to maintain my composure when we dropped them off.

Once we arrived in Ukraine, I tried not to think of them too much. Thank goodness we had bigger things to distract us at that time. One night, shortly after a bad appointment at the adoption center and really missing home, we were able to Skype Terry's sister and brother in law. I cried as soon as I saw their faces on the screen, and when they held up the dogs for us to see, I completely lost it! How I could have used one of them contentedly resting on my lap to comfort me.

I'm now having second thoughts about publishing this post...sharing my craziness with the whole world is a little unnerving. Oh well. I already typed it....on we go!

Well, as it turns out, all of my worrying was for nothing. When we arrived home with Emma, one of the greatest moments is when the dogs came home. Despite the awful flights home and the stress on us trying to adjust to our new lives, it brought such joy to my heart to see the dogs and to see Emma's excitement when she met them. We had shown her pictures of the dogs while we were in Ukraine, but when she realized that they were really hers and she got to live with them, she was jumping up and down screaming. It was so cute, every time we left the house and came back, it would be like she had just met the dogs all over again....jumping up and down screaming, "Dva Sabocca! Dva Sabocca!" (Two dogs! Two dogs!)

Surprisingly, the dogs took to Emma right away. Especially Anson, which was very strange. He seems to be Emma's biggest fan. She was never on his "bite" list. Even though he had no problems with her, he still doesn't like other kids. Weird. Oh well...as long as he loves the one who lives with us it doesn't matter! :) It makes playdates interesting, though!

Before we had Emma, her room was a spare room that was rarely entered by human or dog. Since she's been home, the dogs practically live in that room. Everyday when Emma goes to school, they mope around her room, waiting for her to come home.

Here's a picture. That's Anson smiling in the front. And see that white, grey and red thing sticking out from under the bed? Thats' Tifa! She is especially fond of being under the bed lately because she just got shaved and there's a heat register under there.




Aren't they the cutest? :)

Just a small update concerning last week's post: It has actually been a much better week this week. It's almost as if the "honeymoon" is back on. Emma has not stolen anything from school this week. Poor kid. Teacher and mom and dad are constantly "patting" her down like a criminal! But, so far no issues this week. I don't think the problem is totally over. I think Emma figured out that it's too hard to get away with at school. Who knows? We're workin' on it!

Smiles and Trials

I've been meaning to post for awhile now, but it's been a rough couple of weeks. It's really easy to share all the good things that are happening in our family, but when the going gets tough, I'm not as eager to sit down and share. Even now, I'm not too sure how this post is going to go, so bear with me!

I've been hearing a lot about the "honeymoon" period after adopting. I read about it on message boards, blogs and have been warned about it by our pediatrician. Apparently, it's common for adopted children to come home and be perfect little angels as they are afraid they might not be kept by their new parents. This period is said to last about six months...and then the "honeymoon" is over. After that, kid's try to push your buttons to see if you will really keep them. (This is all just a theory and obviously not the case for every adoption) Well, the DAY Emma was home for six months, it's like someone flicked the switch and there ended the honeymoon.

Our main problems right now are lying and stealing. Let's start with they lying I guess. This has been quite an issue, as Emma lies to keep herself out of trouble. Even if we ask her a question and she thinks she might be in trouble, she'll lie to cover herself. It's quite frustrating, as the lies are blatantly obvious.

Next is stealing. The first couple of times we thought it was quite innocent and Emma didn't really understand about ownership and that is wasn't right to take something that isn't hers. We reprimanded her a few times for this. But, soon enough, she was sneaking around, taking items that we would later find in her pockets or hidden in her bedroom. The issue has ranged from finding objects on the floor (not a big deal) to going through somebody's purse (huge deal). After the purse incident, I was quite shocked. It turns out that she got caught taking chapstick out of the purse and the owner gladly gave it to her after she was caught. A very nice gesture, but maybe added fuel to the fire.

Last Monday was the first time Emma was caught stealing at school. She went through another child's desk and stole some chapstick. After dealing with several incidents already and knowing that Emma knew it was wrong, Terry and I were livid. We took her straight home from school and issued some serious discipline...so serious I thought stealing would not happen again.

Tuesday after school, the teacher advised me that it had happened again. OK, now I was mad. Off we go to tell daddy what happened. We decided to dole out the same discipline we had the night before. We wanted to stick to our guns and show Emma that she could not get away with this. After the second night of punishment, I thought FOR SURE it would not happen again.

Wednesday morning we had a good chat before school about stealing. Emma listed off the consequences of stealing and reassured me that she did not want to be punished again and that she would not go into anyone's desk. Well, Terry received a call later that day that Emma had been sent to the principle's office for stealing. My heart absolutely broke when I heard about it. I couldn't take another night of punishing her!

That night, Terry and I sat down and had a long conversation. Obviously, the techniques we were using were not working. In fact, after the punishments last week, we saw some regression in Emma's behaviour. She wet herself, which she hasn't done in months. I was very distraught over the whole situation. It was awful to see Emma regress, but at the same time we didn't just want to dismiss the stealing.

After our long discussion, we discovered (like, duh!) that as much as we want her to be, Emma is not a child who has been born and raised by us, so we can't expect her to behave like one. Not only that, the life she lived before she was in our home was in no way stable. We are dealing with a little person who has dealt with a ton of trauma and grief in her life. There are so many things that can be triggering this behaviour and we realized our reactions may have been a little harsh and may even be causing the behaviour even more. The discipline on Wednesday was lighter than what she had received earlier in the week and that night we spent some time and really loved on her.

I wish I could say that resolved the stealing issue, but it didn't. Emma was also caught on Thursday and Friday at school and by us over the weekend. We've lightened up on the consequences and are just trying to instill in her that what she is doing is not good.

As far as lying is concerned, we've lightened up in that area as well. We are easily able to catch Emma in a lie. Instead of getting upset, we've started talking to her about why she is lying and telling her to never be afraid to tell us the truth. We know lying comes instinctively to her out of fear and we are trying to get her to change her thinking in this area. We've let her know if she tells us the truth about something she has done wrong, there will be no consequence. She has since then told us the truth a couple times about things she had done.

This past week I came to the realization of how challenging it is to parent an older adopted child with "baggage" (as Terry would call it.) It's hard to know how to react in all situations. We know things were not good for Emma at the orphanage and my stomach turns when I see fear in her eyes when we get upset. I can only imagine what she's thinking or what sort of memories this brings to her. I don't want her to ever fear us as she did her caregivers. But at the same time, you can't just let bad behaviour go...see my dilemma? This is difficult for a type A personality like me, who has to know the answer to everything. For now, we just take one day at a time and ask God for guidance as new situations arise. We really believe the choices we make now and how we react to bad situations are going to determine the relationship we are building with Emma. And we want that relationship to be one of love and trust, not of fear.

One thing I've learned over the past week is that I am not alone. I've been doing tons of reading online and have come across similar situations on message boards and blogs. I have to commend so many adoptive parents out there who are dealing with problems on a much larger scale. I know lying and stealing are some of the easier things to deal with in an adopted child who may be suffering from RAD, PTSD, FAS, FAE or ADHD. I feel like a little whiner writing this after reading what some parents have gone through. Truly, my heart goes out to you and your families. Thank you for never giving up and for sharing your stories to encourage people like me!

On a lighter note, I am posting some pictures of our Valentine's Day. We spent an awesome day together swimming at the wave pool. I still can't believe how fearless Emma is when it comes to swimming. The wavepool is very dangerous and I've had to pull her out of waves that were overcoming her a couple of times, but she still loves it.

Unfortunately we didn't take the camera to the wave pool and I was just kicking myself for it. The pool has a dive tank with a diving board. It took some coaxing to get Emma on the diving board and when she got to the end, she was too afraid to jump in. So we had daddy jump in the water and wait for her beneath the diving board and I walked with her to the end and encouraged her to jump to daddy. She finally took the leap of faith....face first. She completely submerged underwater, but her lifejacket quickly popped her back up. She came up screaming at the top of her lungs. Not a scared scream, but a totally excited I-wanna-do-it-again-and-again type of scream. I swear she went off that diving board at least a hundred times...face first each time. And she totally loved it.

After swimming, we came home for some chinese take-out and cookie decorating. Pictures posted below:

Daddy's Cookie:

Mama's Cookie:

Emma's Cookie:

And, of course, the dog's cookie:


Eating Cookies:


Auntie Kim's birthday is on Valentine's Day, so we celebrated on Sunday.

Emma's idea of helping mama bake a cake:

Borrowing Uncle Chad's sunglasses:

Souvinir Auntie and Uncle brought back from Disneyland:


Well, there you have it...some good stuff and some bad stuff.

Today I took Emma to pierce her ears. Boy, was that an adventure. I'll have to save that post for another day. See you soon!

BTW, yesterday was the first day Emma didn't steal from school. I'm sure the issue is not resolved, but it's a step in the right direction. :)

So You Think You Can Dance

For those of you who have heard of this show, you know how awesome it is. For those who haven't...I feel for you. :) So You Think You Can Dance is a dance competition on TV that is similar to American/Canadian Idol, except dancing instead of singing. The first season of the Canadian version started shortly after getting home from Ukraine and ended about a month and a half ago. It was our tradition every Wednesday to sit down and watch the show together. It was Emma's favorite (mama's too) As soon as I found out the top ten dancers would be touring Canada, I was one of the first ones online to buy tickets. I knew Emma would go absolutely wild seeing her favorite dancers in person. Well, yesterday was the long awaited day. We started out our evening with a nice supper at the Mongolie Grill (build your own stirfry)..... Emma at the restaurant, eagerly awaiting her surprise for later: Watching the chef cook our stirfry: Daddy's Girl: And Mama's Girl: After supper we headed off to Rexall Place. We told Emma to keep her eyes open for a big building, because that would be where her surprise is. She pointed at almost every single building and asked if that was it. We kept telling her no, it's a BIG building. When we got there and she saw it she said, "OH!" as if to say, "Oh, that's what you mean when you say big!"

The show was absolutely amazing. It was priceless to see Emma's reaction when the lights went out, then all of a sudden the whole place was lit up with lights and lazers. When the theme song of the show started blaring through the sound system, Emma knew exactly what she was there for and she was EXCITED. Although I'm not sure which excited her more....the dancers or the huge tub of popcorn she had on her lap! I wish I could have caught some of her reactions on camera. It was hard for me to watch the show, watch Emma and try to catch the perfect moments on film. I gave up after awhile, as I like the show just as much as Emma and I wanted to enjoy it. Emma quickly figured out how to clap and scream along with all the other young girls in the building (much to Terry's delight. Yes, he was there and yes, he liked it!) Every time a dancer was introduced individually, Emma would go wild. The announcer would say something like, "Ladies and gentlemen, heeeere's NICO!" The crowd would go wild and Emma would throw her hands up in the air and scream, "NICOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" So cute! You can watch the video below to see a taste of what we enjoyed: (sorry, the quality of the video gets really bad when you put it on blogger)

And here's a short video of Emma:

After the show, it took forever to get out of that place. We were so crowded with people pushing from every side...very reminiscent of a Kiev bus ride.
How not to lose Emma:
Souvenir....Emma's thinking "Enough pictures already!"

So that was our evening. We finally arrived home after 11pm (on a school night!) This morning was the first time ever that I had to wake Emma up for school!

Our First Date.....Well, Sort of

OK, OK, Terry and I have had about a billion dates in the fifteen years we've been together. But when we returned from Ukraine with Emma, we decided it be best that we spend our time as the "Three Musketeers" until we were satisfied that Emma was truly attached to mom and dad. In the past six months, aside from school, she has only been away from us for a total of about an hour. Had it not been dinner theatre tickets given as a gift to us, we may not yet have gone on a date...... not because we don't think Emma is attached, but because we are enjoying spending our time together. And, well, things are pretty tight right now with me not working. :)

So we gave Emma a couple of days warning about what was going to happen. We explained to her that we would be going out and that Auntie would be coming over to play with her. Her first question (big surprise)...."Why?" And this wasn't an inquisitive kind of "why." This was a whiny, "Why on earth would you want to leave me?" kind of "why." So we explained a few more times over the next couple of days to which Emma would reply, "Mom, you can stay home with me" or "I want to come with you."

I was a little nervous as date time approached and we awaited the arrival of Auntie. I didn't want Emma to be sad or upset when we left (although the fact that she was going to miss us brought me some secret happiness on the inside ;) Well, as soon as Auntie arrived, Emma was jumping up and down excited. Auntie said she would take Emma out for supper. So, instead of "Can I come with you mom and dad?" it was "Can I go with Auntie now?" So off she went. And I'm very glad that she and Emma had a good time together while we were gone. Perhaps Auntie will want to come and do it again sometime. Or perhaps another Auntie is feeling a little jealous and wants a turn! LOL!

Anyways, we had a lovely night out at the dinner theatre. We were there mainly for the buffet (there went the diet for that day!) but the entertainment turned out to be pretty good as well. I thoroughly enjoyed mommy-daddy time!

Changes

OK all you faithful bloggees....time for an update. I know my posts are getting to be few and far between. After almost six months home, we are getting used to our new "normal." I could post more often, but I'm sure you'd get tired of..."Today I drove Emma to school. After school I picked her up, we came home and ate supper and later I put her to bed." Can you see my point? :) Today I thought I would just talk about some changes we've seen in our Emma over the past six months.....

1. Mastering the English language....

I wouldn't quite say that Emma is fluent in English (getting there), but she has completely lost her Russian/Ukrainian language. The other day, I told her that I loved her in Russian and she looked at me like I had two heads. I can't believe how fast her old language has been forgotten. It is a little disappointing, I think it would have been nice to keep her bilingual. But anytime someone confindent in their Russian-speaking ablilities starts speaking to her thinking that she will understand them, she rushes to our side and buries her face in our stomach. My guess is, she doesn't want to remember.

Emma's two favorite words right now are "why" and "because." Anytime I ask her to do something, she asks me, "Why?" Anytime I ask her why she did something, her answer is, "Because."

The one Russian word that Emma has not let go of is "ee" which translates "and." I can understand why. "Ee" is much quicker and easier to say than "and." I've just started working on changing this. I imagine it will be just as hard as it was to get her to say "daddy" instead of "papa." It took awhile, but it came...and this will come too.

2. Manners

When we first met Emma in Ukraine, we would run into some problems on our daily visits when it came to manners. Little missy absolutely refused to say any type of "please" or "thankyou" even in her own language. She has now mastered those two words and how to use them. She never seemed to be appreciative of anything, now she appreciates even the little things. I love hearing, "Supper is SO good. Thank you, mama!"

3. Shopping

While we were in Ukraine, we had to buy Emma some clothes, as kids leave the orphanage with absolutely nothing...not even underwear. We attempted on a few occasions to take her to the store to try some clothes on. These visits were always disastrous, with Emma having awful outbursts and refusing to try on clothes. We basically had to improvise and guess which clothes would fit her. The same problem continued after we arrived home. It was back to school time and we needed to get her several clothes and shoes. We were at our wits end as we tried to get her to try on some shoes and she absolutely refused. We finally had to force her to do so, and I remember a sales lady rushing over to see what was happening to this little girl who was screaming at the top of her lungs. With her help, we were able to fit Emma with a pair of runners, but it was non-stop screaming the whole time.

This past weekend, we had to buy Emma a new bathing suit. Now shopping is quite enjoyable. We showed Emma a couple of prospective suits that would fit her. We headed to the dressing room, and once inside, she excitedly tore off all her clothes to try them on...talk about night and day! After each one, she would race out of the dressing room to proudly parade in front of daddy, asking if he liked it. Once all were tried, we told her to pick the one she liked best and off we went!

4. Shower/Bath time

These have never been a problem with Emma. She loves bath and shower time. Her problem, at first, was water temperature. If we even thought of turning the water from cold to lukewarm, she would shriek and cower in the corner of the tub. Obviously, the orphanage had no hot water and she was used to the cold. It took quite some time, as we tried to gradually increase the temperature of Emma's showers. Now she likes it hot and shrieks when it's cold.

Speaking of bath time, Emma absolutely loves the water. We were finally able to take her swimming for the first time in December, after getting rid of all her little stomach bugs. She went absolutely WILD when she saw the pool and asks us EVERYDAY if she can go swimming. She doesn't know how to swim yet, but she has no fear of water. She throws herself under without a problem. She comes up everytime choking and sputtering, but with a huge smile on her face. We're trying to teach her to hold her breath, but she doesn't quite get it yet. :)

5. Hair

In Ukraine, it was a battle combing Emma's hair. I would put a ton of conditioner in it and there wouldn't be one single tangle...the comb would just flow through her hair with no pulling or hurting. Even though all hair combing conditions were perfect, she would wail through it everytime. The ladies who ran the hotel would frequently knock on the door during these times to see if everything was alright. I would race through the combing as fast as I could and didn't bother with any styles...combing was torture enough (for me!)

Six months later...no problem. Emma loves when I style her hair cute (or should I say ATTEMPT to style her hair cute) Unfortunately, I haven't had seven years of practice on this seven year old, so I'm not the best...BUT my skills are improving.

We recently cut the majority of Emma's hair off. It was getting too difficult to manage as it was SO long. We decided to cut it off, knowing that it would grow back quickly. Even Terry, who is allergic to girls who cut their hair off, agreed it was time. I gasped when the stylist made the first cut and wondered what the heck I was thinking. But now that we've washed, combed and styled it a few times, I appreciate it much more!


6. Potty Training

Our hugest issue while in Ukraine, we took Emma to the toilet every half hour...probably a little overkill, but Terry was peed on once and he didn't want it to happen again. I think Emma was too shy to tell us when she had to go.

After returning home, finding her way to the toilet during the day was not a problem, but peeing in her bed at night time was still an issue. I know, I know...supposedly very normal for a kid her age to wet the bed. But we soon discovered that Emma was not accidentally peeing while she slept. She was waking up, then peeing, then taking off her clothes and going back to sleep. This was hugely frustrating for us because we would talk to her every night when we tucked her in and she would reassure us that peeing in her bedroom was bad and peeing in the toilet was good. Even after her reassurances, she would still do it. Against the orders of our pediatrician, we began disciplining for this action. It took many nights of discipline and many loads of laundry, but one day in October, it just stopped. It was like I was having the best dream ever that night I heard Emma get out of her bed and heard her sweet tinkling in the porcelain bowl. Terry and I both got up and praised the living daylights out of her. She was very excited that she had done such a good thing and there has not been one incident to speak of since that glorious night!

7. Attachment

Many of you who have adopted or are preparing to adopt know about attachment issues. For those of you who have never heard of such a thing (as I hadn't before our adoption course) I will enlighten you. Many people think that when a child is in an orphanage and a lovely mama and papa come to their "rescue," that child will instantly fall in love with them and be eternally grateful and kiss the ground they walk on. This, unfortunately, is rarely the case. Many children who have been in orphanages since birth have been lacking the love and attention they need and therefore don't even know what love is or how to do it. It's not uncommon for children to push their new parents away and remain living in their own little world which is all they've ever known.

We knew of this issue before we went to Ukraine, and this was the least of my worries. It seemed like such a tiny little problem compared to the risks of serious disease, FAS, etc. Well, it's a much bigger problem once you experience it. Thankfully we had no serious attachment issues with Emma, but it did take a while for her and I to build up the bond which seemed to come so easily to her and Terry. One aspect of attachment I hadn't really considered is MY attachment to her. Don't get me wrong, it was love at first sight and I knew she was meant to be a part of our family, but it takes a little while to make the transition from feeling like a babysitter to feeling like a mom. I was recently reading anothter adoptive mom's blog who described adoption as an arranged marriage, and she was also experiencing some of the things I had been feeling. It was a great encouragement to me, and that's why I'm sharing it on my blog...for those who are feeling unattached or who may feel this way after they adopt.

I am happy to say that I have made the transition to mom. Even though Emma has only been here for six months, it feels as though she's been in our family forever and I can't imagine life any differently now. :)

So, those are just some of the changes in our family over the past six months. I believe the changes we're seeing are due to Emma feeling more comfortable and finding her place in our family. She used to push us away when she was scared or upset, but now rushes in for a hug when she sheds tears, even if its tears due to some discipline she just received. She is always looking for a reassurance of our love and we always remind her that we will love her forever and that we love her even if she does something wrong.

Every once in a while we'll all just be sitting around and she'll pipe up, "We all the same family...we all together love."

Phew! That was a long one! See you later!

For Leah.....

We finally had a break in our cold snap here in Alberta. It was so warm this weekend, we were able to go outside without jackets. We are experiencing temperatures almost unheard of at this time of year. Terry and I finally were able to get down to business and scrape down the build up of packed snow on our driveway, which somehow happened to accumulate even though I seemed to be shovelling every second day...(apparently this is one of the duties expected of stay-at-home mom!)

Being outside today made me think of our friend, Leah, who we miss dearly. We hear Leah is a fan of the snow. Please know that you and David (and mom and dad too!) are welcome to stop by anytime to build a snowman in our back yard. Emma would love to see you again!

Emma playing on a snow drift (built by mama!).....



Scraping the driveway....