One Year Ago....

Looks as though there might be a lot of posts titled "One Year Ago..." for the next little while.:)

I just thought that it would be worthwhile to mention that one year ago today, we met Emma for the very first time. It was probably the most exciting, happy, scariest whirlwind of a day in my life!

Summer, so far, has been going OK. It's a little difficult to leave to work every morning, while my two favorite people get to hang out at home. But I am managing. And Terry's doing a great job of being stay-at-home-mom and teacher. It's a little trying on his patience and he reminds me a little of a drill sargent. As far as I can see, he'll have Emma whipped right into shape before school starts in September!
One thing I am really enjoying is my lunch breaks. I come home for lunch everyday to a meal prepared and to great company. I love it! :)

Last weekend, Emma got to experience her first wedding. She was quite excited when I told her that there would be dancing. After arriving, she would ask about every thirty seconds...."Can we dance now? Can we dance now?" It's all she cared about. That, and the pretty white dress that the lovely bride was wearing. If ever there's a day where a little girl starts dreaming about her wedding, that day was Saturday for Emma!

In closing, I just wanted to share a little video of Emma from the wedding. Check out our little mover and shaker.......:)

The First Day.....and the Last Day

The first picture is Emma on the first day of school. The second was taken this morning, her last day of grade one. She may not look a whole lot different, but my goodness, how she's changed! I can see the difference just in her eyes. On the first day of school, she was afraid, apprehensive and quiet. Now it's quite the opposite. Her smile and energy light up the room when she walks in. And even though she is still immature for her age, she seems so much more grown up to me than when we brought her home!

Today I took the day off work to join Emma for a picnic lunch at school. She's not used to seeing me at school anymore since I've been back to work...only to drop her off in the mornings. It was so awesome when she opened her classroom door to find me standing outside. She screamed so loud, I think the whole school could probably hear, "My MOMMY's here!!!!" She ran to me and wrapped her arms around my waist for a tight squeeze. She then proceeded to run to the office and other classrooms to tell everyone that her mommy was there. I stood there, maybe a little bit proud, as other moms watched and wondered what I did to make my kid so excited to see me. Sigh...that's my girl...I love her so much!

I was strangely emotional today, being it's the last day of school. I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that for the next two months Emma will be at home and I'll be at work. A few weeks ago, I eluded to something major happening at work. Some of you out there knew what was going on, but I tried to keep it under wraps until I knew what the outcome would be. The outcome of what you ask? After meeting with Emma's teachers and adoption pediatrician, we were advised that I should stay home with Emma over the summer. Our adoption specialist thinks that if we were to stick Emma with a new full-time caregiver, she would totally regress in her attachment. And the teachers at school strongly recommended we keep a school routine over the summer, so Emma does not lose what she has learned through the school year. So, we knew a sitter was not an option. I had letters from both the school and Emma's doctor, strongly supporting my leave of absense for the summer. SO, after I had been back to work for a month, I figured it was time to spring it on my managers. Somehow I had convinced myself that they would completely understand and I wouldn't have any problems. After all, they managed without me for a year, did they not? Boy, was I wrong! I was shot down so fast, I couldn't even believe it. They didn't even want to see the letters I brought in. I left their office devestated and totally p*$$*d off!

I couldn't post about this right after it happened, as I was likely to type something that could get me in a lot of hot water, possibly even getting me fired if someone from work happened to be reading this. Yes, that's how mad I was. Terry and I seriously considered me resigning. In fact, before I met with the managers, we had decided I would resign if they said no. But when the time came, I just couldn't do it. Why? I couldn't tell you. Every bone in my body wanted to quit right then and there, but I guess I didn't want to make a decision knowing how emotional I was at that moment. When I got home that night, Terry was glad I didn't quit. After we sat down and seriously considered our options, we realized me quitting my job was not one of them. :( It's not like it was a year ago, where you could go anywhere and get a job. It was too large of a risk for me, not knowing if I'd be able to find a job come September. Especially since things have been so flaky for Terry at work in this economic downturn. He is working far less hours than he used to and we just can't afford to live on only his income at this point. On top of it all, my rheumatologist wants to put me on some new medication that he is telling me will cost 10K a month!! The medication, however, is covered by my benefits at work. So, there you have it. I'm trapped there!

Don't get me wrong.... I really DO enjoy my job. I've been there for years, and I think I do a pretty good job. I've felt a real sense of accomplishment since I've been back and, of course, I'm happy to be making money again. :) It took a little while, but I've come to terms with the fact that I have to work this summer. So, now the question....what are we going to do with Emma? Well, if she can't have mommy, she can have the next best thing....daddy! Yeah, that's right. Terry's staying home (lucky bugger) His boss had no qualms about giving him the summer off. In fact, he has to hire someone to replace Terry for two months, since Terry is the only one in the shop who does his job. And, they are giving him the time as a temporary layoff, so he'll be able to collect EI. Not that it will even come close to replacing his wage, but it's better than nothing. We'll be back to pinching pennies again. :)

It won't be all fun and games for Terry and Emma this summer. As I mentioned, he will be setting up a daily routine (that's the plan, anyway) to keep Emma on top of her school work. We met with Emma's teachers a few days ago and decided to have Emma repeat grade one. Even though she has made a lot of progress in the last year, she still is not at a kindergarten level. It'll be interesting to see if the one-on-one teaching will work better for her during the summer.

We talked to the school about getting Emma more one-on-one help at school next year. Two hours a week just isn't cutting it. What a HUGE frustration!!! This year we were told that Emma needs a psycological evaluation to determine where she's at to get her the extra help. Unfortunately, the school would not do the testing due to the "language barrier." When we brought it up the other day, we were assured by the school that Emma has been immersed in enough english and that they would do the testing on her first thing next school year. I was so relieved to hear this, until the teachers informed us that even when Emma takes the test, she probably will not qualify for extra help. WHAT!?! Apparently, receiving aides is not based on your kid's learning ablilities. Only kids who aren't toilet trained or have severe behavioural issues qualify for aides. In fact, the teachers informed us that the help Emma received this year was far more than what she qualified for. I just don't get it! She has severe learning delays and she is an ESL student......and you're telling me she doesn't qualify for 2 hours a week?!? I can't believe how much our school system is failing our children. Terry and I aren't leaving this one alone. We'll keep trying to talk to higher ups until someone is willing to listen and give Emma the help she requires.

Well, that's all for now. I'm going to try and convince Terry that it's his turn to keep up the blog since today is his last day of work. He probably won't comply, so my posts may be few and far between this summer. I need to spend some time working on Emma's one year post-placement report for the Ukraine government. Wish me luck!

One Year Ago......

My, how time flies!

One year ago today, right at this very minute, Terry and I were cramped on a run-down, over-crowded plane somewhere over the ocean. We were heading for another country, or what seemed like another world, to embark on the wildest journey we could ever imagine. Who would have thought that exactly one year later, I'd be tucking my little angel all snug into bed, receiving a shower of hugs and kisses and "I love you mommy!" Who would have thought I'd be dealing with runny noses and scraped knees? Attending dance recitals and preparing for end of school parties? I'm still amazed at how much our lives have changed, yet somehow it's so natural it's as if we've been doing it forever.

Remembering our journey, once again, gives me a true appreciation of being home. It's funny, when we travelled to Calgary a couple weeks ago, I began to have some very vivid memories of our travel to Ukraine. Pulling out those suitcases, which were pristine a year ago, now tattered and dirty after being dragged all around Ukraine. As I packed, I remembered how much I hated living out of a suitcase, yet I am now very good at it.

Unfortunately, our travels to Ukraine do not bring fond memories. The sting of all the trials we went through are somewhat faded, but still overshadow our thoughts as we remember. But, our trials were not in vain. We are blessed to have such a light in our lives come from Ukraine. And not all memories are bad. We met some truly amazing people in Ukraine. Our facilitator and his family, whom we had only had email communication with for the previous two and a half years before our trip, seemed like old friends when we finally met in person. Our American friends, who God truly blessed us with. We were so thankful to share our journey and have the support of another english speaking family. The kids at the orphanage...brings tears to my eyes just to think of them...we had some incredible fun getting to know and spend time with them. How I pray that they all find their forever families. And we also met many people along the way, who despite the language barrier, went out of their way to show us extra hospitality. Gee, maybe the trip wasn't so bad! :)

I'm just a lot happier knowing we'll be spending our summer on Canadian soil this year!

A Little about Our Trip

Well, our little mini-vacation ended up being alot of fun. The weather was absolutely beautiful and the first time this year I could wear a tank top and flip flops. :) I love it!

Our drive down was uneventful. Emma does well in the car. After about two hours of driving, she finally asked, "Are we almost there?" Terry and I burst out laughing. We were both wondering when those words would come out of her mouth!

I'll bet you've never seen a kid so excited to see a hotel room. Upon arrival, there was all kinds of dancing, clapping, whooing and jumping on her "new" bed. We stayed at three different hotels over the five days, and each one got the same reaction. The last hotel we stayed in was Emma's favorite. We stayed there for three days. She had her own bedroom with a TV. We don't usually let her use the remote at home (far too complicated with all Terry's "gadgets") but the one at the hotel was very straight-forward, so I taught her how to use it. Talk about addicted. I think she enjoyed using the remote more than she actually liked watching the TV!

Our first morning in Calgary was kind of a drag. We had to get up early for our appointment at the US Consulate to apply for Emma's travel visa. The appointment was absolutely not what I expected. In fact, I would describe the experience as, well, sort of --- Ukrainian. (No offense to the Americans reading this post!)

First off was trying to find the darn place. I was fully expecting to find something similar to the Canadian Embassy we saw in Ukraine. You know, a building fenced off with a flag blowing outside. When we neared the address of the building, I studied the surroundings carefully to find the American flag. No luck. I started to panic as we only had minutes until our appointment. We flagged down a local who pointed us in the right direction...into a regular looking office building. Hmmm. OK? When we entered the building, I thought for sure we were in the wrong place. A coffee shop, a drugstore and other shops lined the first floor almost like a shopping mall. But in the distance, I spotted a very official looking man who turned out to be the customs guy. We walked up to him and informed him of our appointment and that's when all the action began. Take off your coats.... show me this document and that document...show me proof of payment....stand here so I can scan you. He rushed us through this whole process so fast and then whisked us off to the elevators. When the door opened, he kicked everyone out and let us on. The Consulate was on the tenth floor. When we got there, the whole process of coats off and scanning happened again. We were given a number and shuffled into a room with about fifty chairs. Our number was next. We sat for about a minute before our number was called. We went up to a little window and passed over all of our documents which I had gone over a million times to make sure they were perfect. The lady asked us to have a seat and she would be with us once she had gone through the paperwork.

I couldn't believe how fast and efficient the whole process was going. We took our seat among the others and waited to be called back up. After about an hour, we started to wonder what was going on. We were SOOOOO bored because there was nothing allowed in the Consulate...no I-Pods, no cell phones. There were no snack machines or beverages of any kind. We watched as many people were called up to the windows and were getting denied visas for various reasons. I really prayed that we had not made the three hour drive for nothing. It reminded me of the SDA rejecting a dossier for forgetting to dot an I or cross a T. Don't get me wrong, I know it's serious business and they're not going to let just anyone into the US, I was just hoping I didn't forget a minor detail which would put our application in jeopardy.

FOUR HOURS LATER (ouch!!!!) we were finally called up to the window. Another typical Ukainian "hurry up and wait" experience. We walked a little apprehensively to the window, wondering what the verdict would be....."OH, she's your daughter? And your both Canadian? No problem!" What!? It took you four hours to figure that out!!! Whatever. I won't question the gracious people who have allowed us to travel with our daughter into their country. We were just very happy to have the whole thing overwith!

After that, it was off to the hotel for some fun....




Here we our enjoying our lunch at a beautiful outdoor restaurant....




We had lots of fun on the rest of our trip. We visited the zoo and even took a trip out to Banff so Emma could see the mountains.....



In Banff, Emma spotted some horses and said, "Can I sit on the back?" How could we say no? We enjoyed the most beautiful one hour trail ride through the mountains...





Overall the trip was awesome. I was a little concerned what effect the change in routine and being away from home would do to Emma. But everything went great. She behaved very well and we all had a lot of fun. Actually, the time together seemed to really strengthen our attachment which seemed a little bit diminished since I had returned back to work.

Things have been better since getting back as well when it comes to me working. Emma seems to be getting used to it. We make it a habit of her letting me call me at work after school and sometimes she and daddy come down and see me to bring me a slurpee. Emma really enjoys these things and it seems to be making the transition easier.

This week is a huge week at work. I can't go into any details why as of yet. All I can say is that I need a lot of prayer for favour. I'll let you know more later.....

Upcoming Road Trip

Well, I thought I'd try and take a little time to post despite leaving for our road trip tomorrow. I have all kinds of last minute things to do, I may just have to stay up a little late.

We experienced a first the other day with Emma. She has lost her first tooth since being home. Here's what it looked like:

Yes, that's a look of utter fear on her face. We wrestled with the tooth all day long on Saturday, as it seemed to be hanging by a thread, but still refused to come out. Emma was not fond of our pulling, yanking and tying of string around her tooth. We tried to explain to her how exciting it would be to get money from the tooth fairy, but this didn't make things go any smoother. Finally, at the end of the day, I grabbed hold and yanked that sucker outta there. Emma's sheer terror turned into sheer delight when I showed her the little tooth in my hands. She screamed and jumped up and down exclaiming how she is going to get a "new, big one!" (tooth)
Amazingly, this is only the third tooth Emma has lost and she will be eight this year. I guess God is giving us some time to get some calcium into those adult teeth before they come through the gums! :)

The excitement continued the next morning as Emma woke up to money from the tooth fairy. Her big plans for the money: buy a slurpee for daddy and mommy. Sweet kid!

Tomorrow we embark on our first road trip. We will be heading out for five days to Calgary. We have an appointment for Emma at the U.S Embassy on Friday. We need to get her a visa as we plan a winter vacation to the U.S. She needs a visa as she is not yet a Canadian citizen. And, of course, the U.S. embassy is three hours away and she has to apply in person. It took us two months to get this appointment. But it actually turned out to work out quite well, because I have some work training to do in Calgary on Monday and Tuesday, so we'll spend the weekend and maybe try to have some relaxing family time. I dunno.....five days, three hotels.....not sure how the change of routine will be on Emma. The poor girl rarely gets to leave our house, let alone stay in hotels far away. Well, I'm hoping a good time will be had by all.

That's all for today. Time for me to start packin' and get the house good and spotless. And, of course, I have to find out who the new American Idol is! Or, as Emma would say, "Merkin-Idoe"

My Little Dancing Queen

It's me again. I found a couple minutes to post today, so I thought I'd share a couple pictures. Emma had dance photos done a couple days ago. She had to dress up in her little dance outfit for her final recital. She's been so excited all week because she knew she would get to wear "nake-up and chapstick." (AKA makeup and lipstick) I can't believe how grown-up she looked. It scared me a little. She's going to be one beautiful girl when she gets older!



Week two of work went a little better than week one. It's still hard, but I'll keep on and hopefully after some time we'll find our new normal.

As far as blogging goes, I will continue on. My posts may be fewer, but as one of my blogging buddies pointed out, it's a great place to network and get support from others who've been through this whole adoption thing.

Back to Work

I'm seriously considering whether or not to continue on with this blog. Trying to work two jobs (one being mom, of course) is proving to be difficult and time consuming. Since going back to work a week and a half ago, this is the first chance I've had to sit down and post. The only reason I found time is because Terry goes out on Wednesdays and Emma is in bed now. If I do decide to continue on, I think Wednesdays will be the only day I will have time to sit down and post. (No post last Wednesday because I was having such a rough week that Terry stayed home to cheer me up. What a guy... I love him so much!)

So, as if you couldn't tell already, I'm not exactly thrilled with the whole going back to work thing. My first day back last Monday was SO hard! A lot harder than I thought it would be. I spent most of the day fighting back tears and hiding in my new office (which needed a thorough cleaning anyway) Terry and Emma came by after school and brought me some flowers. I totally lost it. I just couldn't believe that I was never going to be there to pick Emma up from school again. And losing out on extra family time is a total downer. I just got so used to being there all the time for them.

I hate to be such a whiner, because I know there are so many parents out there who don't even get the luxury that I had. Some come home with their new kids and have to return to work right away. Some don't have the luxury of not needing a sitter. It's these thoughts that have gotten me through this past week. I am so blessed to have been able to spend so much time adjusting to my new life as a mom and always being there for Emma. Now I need to learn how to let go just a little bit, I guess. We'll see. I'm still trying to convince Terry that I don't really need to work. :) LOL! He's not quite on the same page as I am, yet!

Another thing that's been getting me through is some of the people I deal with at work. There has been a huge staff turnover since I left, so many people don't even know me. But the ones who do know me seem very happy to have me back. I've worked with some of them for so long, it's like catching up with long lost relatives! And I've had so many customers stop by my office and even come give me hugs to let me know how happy they are that I'm back. It feels good to have been missed!

The hardest part about the last week and a half has been some regression in Emma's attachment. I firmly believe it has to do with me going back to work, but Terry swears up and down that something else must be causing it. (I think he's scared to admit it, as he thinks this may give me enough reason to stop working) I don't really know what to think. All I know is that it's really a tough thing to go through. Especially after all the progress we've made. So, we're back to making Emma's world small again to try and get her back on track.

Despite going through the hard stuff, we had some joy as I got to celebrate my first mother's day this year. It is so awesome to finally be able to celebrate this day, as the last few mother's days have been spent waiting for a void to be filled. Well, it finally is. I am so blessed!